I’ll Still Love You Even if You’re a Man 2, Chapter 143: If you can't do it, don't say it

I’ll Still Love You Even if You’re a Man 2 《你是男的我也爱》Ni Shi Nan De Wo Ye Ai
I’ll Still Love You Even if You’re a Man 2, Chapter 143: If you can't do it, don't say it

“Why not? You can't be too selfish.” After saying this Mai Ding really wants to laugh, it's like a cycle, Wu Xin said this about himself and he said that about An-Ziyan, they wanted to talk calmly but how they started to fight, maybe he and An-Ziyan are not suitable for serious topics, they also fought about finding a job after graduation, they can't control their personalities, who can't control their personalities? How many saints are there in the world who can control it?

“I'm selfish and all and unlike you, who always want to be good.”

An-Ziyan was too good at making people hurt, Mai Ding laughed bitterly, “Yeah, I'm Mai Ding, that's the kind of person I am, sacrificing you, your mom will like me more, things will be complete, you'll finally have kids, it will ease my guilt, that's the kind of person I am Mai Ding, a person who think of everyone.”

“I don't want to continue this conversation, it's useless to talk about it.”

“I know, because you never listen to me.” Mai Ding went into the bedroom, opened the closet and it came to pass that perhaps he hadn't thought of himself as a slave to his emotions, so easy to control.

“What do you want?” An-Ziyan stood in the bedroom doorway, Mai Ding dragged his clothes out of the closet: “It's all because I'm a man, why would someone like you choose me, why would you choose a man!” An-Ziyan gritted his teeth and grabbed Mai Ding's wrist: “Don't keep emphasizing the you are a man for me, I know exactly what gender you are.”

“Child...”

“It doesn't matter.”

“It matters! I can't watch you go your whole life without children, you can't celebrate Father's Day, why can't I just give you such a wonderful gift, why can't I,” Mai Ding took a deep breath, “I hate to admit it but I'm actually a flawed lover to you.”

“Do you have to keep bringing that up? How many times do I have to say it, before you're satisfied? I'm not in the mood to fight with you.”

“Do I enjoy arguing fight you? As long as you promise...”

“Stop it! You're, like, so freaking annoying...”

An-Ziyan yelled in an agitated whisper, both of them froze, the words were more devastating than anything else, Mai Ding's eyes grew red, his expression seemed as if he hadn't recovered from An-Ziyan's words, his chest ached, his stomach ached, all the organs in his body seemed to be groaning and he threw the clothes in his hands in front of An-Ziyan's face, in a hoarse, feeble voice: “Is that what you've been wanting to say? You are already bored with me, too.” He didn't even want to pack his clothes, he just wanted to get out, the room still echoed An-Ziyan's words, he wanted to get out, to get out.

“Where do you think you're going?” An-Ziyan tugged Mai Ding's hand tighter.

“Where else can I go, I don't want to annoy you, what's the point of staying, you won't agree anyway.”

“You want to leave me over this? I'm telling you, it's impossible.” With a yank, Mai Ding was thrown onto the bed, where he lay motionless.

“An-Ziyan, I've been meaning to ask you, is everything I think about, everything I care about, is just a silly, ridiculous little thing to you?”

An-Ziyan pressed down on Mai Ding, grabbing him by the chin: “No matter what you say, you'll never leave me.”

Mai Ding stared straight at An-Ziyan: “So what are you going to do, hit me? Or lock me up?”

“Do you want to leave so badly?” An-Ziyan narrowed his eyes, the force of his hand intensified and Mai Ding's brow furrowed lightly: “Yes.”

Mai Ding got up from the bed and walked towards the door, An-Ziyan’s voice was weak behind him: “It's so easy for you to leave when you want to, Mai Ding, is that how you love me?”

His voice was the catalyst for Mai Ding's pain, spreading from his body to his veins.

Why are you annoying... Why are you annoying... Why are you annoying... Why are you annoying...

The words uttered by An-Ziyan repeated in Mai Ding's mind, at this point, there is no turning back, going back would bring everything back to square one, the pain and disappointment of the loved ones, the guilt of not being able to give and the choice is to go on.

“You don't love me enough. Why do I have to love you?” His throat and words were trembling. This lie was condensed with pain. Could An-Ziyan see through his feigned indifference?

I once said, “If you're in the choices, I'll choose you.”

But the statement itself is full of holes, if someone asks: Who don't you love?

I'd probably die before I'd choose you.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, An-Ziyan, his hands draped over his knees, gave a short snicker, “You're good, threatening me with this.”

“Can I threaten you?”

If An-Ziyan agrees, does that mean this fight is over, that I can easily forgive An-Ziyan, even if I'm annoyed by him, even if I'm indifferent? Let's agree to end this fight, I'm fragile and breakable. I can't give you a normal relationship, at least I can let you be a normal father, you've given me too much, let me give you some too.

Without looking back, he walked down the corridor, through the living room, stopping at the entrance, at what moment An-Ziyan would call out to him, the silent air behind him, Mai Ding wrenched open the door and walked out. This year's luck was bad, he lost the bet, An0-Ziyan didn't come after him, he didn't give himself an excuse to go back. It's naive to think that there's no price, that everything has a price.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, An-Ziyan could hear Mai Ding's footsteps moving away, at what point Mai Ding would stop, the quiet air in front of him and then the sound of the door swinging open and still he left, they all leave him, just leave, Mai Ding left him too, Grandpa left him too, just go.

His eyes were closed with a blank expression and his fingers were still wrapped around Mai Ding's warmth and gradually the wrapping weakened, leaving him cold. His expression remained unchanged, only his index finger moved, so that no one could perceive his emotions, it seemed that he was only asleep, asleep in a painting.

Curious air entered his body, wondering what was in the mind of the beautiful man who slept in his bed and when it came out of him, it was already streaming with tears, softly clinging to his skin.

Memories of his grandfather tugged at him and he tried to keep them at bay but they disintegrated with the departure of Mai Ding, trailing thorns on their tails, cutting him where they slid.

(Ziyan, grow up well, grandpa will always be there for you.)

(An-Ziyan, I want to stay by your side for the rest of my life, will you promise me?)
That's what they said.

(Ziyan, grandpa has to go.) 

(Why do I have to love you? )

They all lie. If you can't do it, don't say it!





~ I’ll Still Love You Even if You’re a Man 2 (Sequel) ~

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