THE EFFECT: THE SERIES
The Effect The Series Chapter 13: Closing walls and the world fall on me
Going to university for me right now is like stepping into hell. Plus, it was a hell I couldn't avoid, it is a hell that happens every time I go into university. The hell of being seen with piercing and insulting eyes
"Don't you have to go to an appointment today?"
"No, the doctor said that I was better. The medicine that is still left should be finished before I go back”
"When do you have to go, tell mom?"
"Yes"
I lied, but also a lie with a dead face. I stopped, not because the doctor ordered me to stop to see. Only I do not see that my condition will improve after I see a doctor. I didn't become as strong as I had hoped. I was still shaking as a madman, unable to control myself as I had to face things I didn't want.
I don't want my parents to pay for things that I can't help to improve. So I decided to stop going by the doctor without consulting with anyone.
................................................. .......................................
"Why do you have to wear a hat?"
Many of my roommates walked in and asked me why I had to wear a hat to study. I want to explain to them. Want to say that because I'm afraid of other people's eyes, I was afraid that there would be people who typed those messages looking at me.
But I wasn't brave enough to explain because I didn't know what kind of words they would take after I explained them to them. And how can I be sure that they are not the people who post about me on that page?
"The haircut has been screwed up, therefore I put on a hat to cover it”
"Oh? Just cut you own hair, wear a hat as if escape from anyone, don’t worry, it won't be long before it grows back.”
Think about it again, it might be as true as they say. I shouldn't have made such a big deal like they said. I'm just a man. I don't deserve it. I can't get pregnant. Looking back that day, I couldn't believe my mother and father. If that day I didn't report and refused to the utmost stubbornness that he would not have met Aphut. Then if I acted on my original intention. Today, I would not have to meet with eyes like this. I would probably be able to attend classes happier.
"Why is this?"
When Pramote and I returned to the car, preparing to go home both of us found that Pramote's car had been punctured and there unable to drive. Pramote called the mechanic to change the wheel. While both of us were sitting waiting for the mechanic my eyes glanced over to the shop not far from here. I therefore thought to walk to buy snacks and water to sit and eat together first, because it would probably be longer for the technician to arrive during this evening time.
"So I will go to buy some water and snacks instead of hunger. Pramote, what do you want?"
"Bring it in case too. Anything ... Starting getting hungry.”
"OK"
"Are you sure you can go alone?"
"Aren't you sure? Just wait. Let it be."
"Are you really doing this to me, right?"
I had not walked away from Pramote's car for a short while and hadn't yet reached my shop, I had to suddenly stop with a loud noise coming from the side. In addition, it is a sound that I am familiar with and remember who the sound owner is.
"Don't mess with me"
"Withdraw the lawsuits and plea ... Anyway, P' is ready to be with Shin. I will be responsible for Shin and accept what P' has already done Why is Shin going to sue making for trouble?”
"No ... I don't want"
"Let's start again, Shin. P' knows that P' made Shin angry. P' hurt Shin, P' knows how bad P' is.”
"..."
"Shin still doesn't have to accept P' now. But just let P' prove himself. Let P' prove that P''s love for Shin, Let P' show it. P' asked for this. If the days ahead, P' still can't make Shin love P'. P' will accept it. But don't close the opportunity to P' just like this”
"No ... No."
"Shin ..."
"Get out"
"If Shin still does this and still escape from P' like this. Still keeping P' away ... Shin is pressing P' to do things that P' doesn't want to do. Shin knows? P' never wanted to do things like this, never but because of Shin because ...”
"What did I do?"
P'Keng stepped up to me, using the moment I was standing still. When I was wondering what I was going to force P'Keng to do and then what will P'Keng do to me?
The cry, the cry of my own voice, came out with my cellphone. In P'Keng's hand, that voice I wanted to forget. The second time I didn't want to hear it. My pathetic voice of a person who was begging and begging without thinking of anything to do only crying like someone who has no way to fight
"You bastard!!”
"The bad thing I did is because Shin forced P' himself. P' didn't want to be bad person with Shin!! Did you hear that, P' never wanted!! Never!!"
"You are bad, I will never forgive you. No way!!..."
"Shin still doesn't understand P', right?"
"Get out of my life, get out! I hate you!"
"Hate? This clip can be seen everywhere. I will be hated. I will be taken to jail. My life now has nothing left to be broken. Please make it end before what I have left breaks.”
P'Keng was getting closer to me. I wanted to move my legs and walk away, but I couldn't step it out I could only stand as a stationary target for P'Keng to lean closer to my ear while whispering only two words that we want to know
"It can be even worse. When we can't love each other well, when I'm a good person, then don't want to do it but it must be like this ... P', just wants for you to give him a chance. Think carefully before rejecting P'.”
The whisper that floated past the edge of the ear motivated me to run back to the car. Pramote Pramote was still talking on the phone from the university to the parking lot with the mechanic. But I cannot stay here anymore I can't stand in this university anymore. I can no longer stand in the same place with that person
"Shift ... Go home. Pramote I beg you to take me home. Take me home."
"Shin, moment, Shin ..."
In the end, Pramote agreed to leave the car at the university and take a taxi home as my friend asked. While in the car, I called directly to my parents and asked both of them to come home immediately.
"What's going on, what's going on?"
"Please, my parents. May I plead with you ... Can we end all of this?"
"We talked about it, Shin. Think conscious children. What happened? Which, try to tell us first.”
"Yes ... I beg you can you agree? I beg ... Can you agree?”
I bowed down to prostrate at my parents' feet. I have to pay respect and apologize because I know that what I was asking is not worth forgiving. I'm making both of them to become losers, just like me. I made them want to swallow their own words.
But I can no longer keep the matter like this I don't want to come to know these things. I don't want this to come as a matter that P'Keng is still talking to me about. If I had agreed to it, it would be exchanged for letting that senior out of my life. I would. I allowed my parents to be disappointed in me.
"Yes, my parents I'm begging you."
"Oh Shin Son"
In the end, the parents agreed to agree with that side. The day that Father called that side to come to an agreement on a settling a lawsuit in our home. That side seemed especially happy that the story came out in this way. I can see from them all smiling in my home. They smiled happily, as they had probably forgotten that their smiles might hurt anyone's heart. And who are they stepping on
"We are very glad that you made this decision."
"In truth, I think it's about two children. But I also saw that my children had done too much I therefore want to be responsible here.”
That way, offering money to bury the story by calling it a tribute of one million baht [1]33000$. My mother's tears fell on her cheek when the piece of paper had been sent to our side. My father extended his hand and accepted the check with a shaking hand.
I know that if they can choose, both of them would not want to receive that amount of money. But because our family is not a rich family, the money would be the payment for cost of my treatment, and the parents also had to stop working in order to take care of me again I probably have no choice but to accept it. The image of my parents' resentment caused me to get out of there because I couldn't bear to see that anymore.
"Shin"
P'Keng followed me out to the kitchen. I looked out and saw that my mother was also looking at me. Therefore, even though I was scared, I still felt at ease and the peace of mind changed into courage, which allowed me to stand against P'Keng. The last time, I recited it in my heart. It will be the last time only
"What?"
"This is P' phone. Shin can delete everything in there by Shin himself ... P'. Thank you for this Shin. P'. Thank you. It really means a lot to my family.”
"Put it on the table"
I pointed to the dining table. When that phone was placed at the table, I slowly reached out to pick up that phone with my shaking hands on both sides. The first application that I chose to click on is the category of photos. The whole video clip and the picture of me appearing in it makes my legs weak I then had to sit down on the floor and then delete my photos and videos from that day.
"Don't cry ... P' is sorry ... The story came out like this ... P' did you like this ... P' apologizes ... P' read all that I wrote on paper ... P' apologized.”
Throughout the erasing of bad things, I didn't realize that I was crying. I only know that the image in front of me is not very clear. Even after deleting it all, I still pressed it back and forth because I wanted to make sure that there was nothing left about me left there. Until I was satisfied and confident, so I put the phone on the floor
"Done, right?"
"..." I use nods as an answer.
P'Keng sat down to the floor together with me, he slowly picked up the phone into his own pocket before reaching out to grab my hand. I slowly moved my hand out of his grip. P'Keng agreed to let go of my hand, but it was not fine. We sat quietly. After a while, before P'Keng was the one to break the silence
"Shin really won't give P' a chance at all? P' really feels guilty. P', can't you give me a chance? P' will do anything. Just tell P' and P' give everything.”
"..."
"This is the first time that P' has caused Shin to regret. But P' did it because P' was afraid he was going to lose Shin, is it wrong that P' feels so much for you? Is P' really wrong?”
"..."
"And throughout the many months that we have not met in the past Shin, have you ever thought about me?”
P'Keng bent down to kiss at my feet. P'Keng had a face that used to be proud and popular among many people. The person patted on my back, both on my face and down my forehead with the words of love and apology.
"..."
My sobbing that I was trying to keep was so loud that P'Keng had to stop talking and raised his face to look at me like someone who couldn't do anything. That was the same time that my father walked straight to the kitchen to me.
"The business of your house is finished ... You can go back."
"P' ... Will go first ... P' is really sorry"
Although P'Keng's eyes indicate a reluctance, P'Keng agreed to stand up. At that moment I had the opportunity to make eye contact and look at P'Keng's face. That made me realize that it wasn't just me who had tears dealing all the things that happened. But P'Keng also had tears from this incident, he was not different from me either.
"P' is sorry ... P' is really...”
P'Keng raised his hands to pay a farewell and turned back, preparing to leave this house. But before P'Keng left, I forgot that I had not told him what was on my mind.
"P'Keng"
P'Keng stopped walking, turned back and looked at me with hopeful faces. I stopped panting and held my mind well before saying the words he had thought out to him.
"I ... Will never forgive you ... Never."
"Shin"
"And I ... Hate you ...hate."
THE EFFECT: THE SERIES
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