The Effect The Series Chapter 11: Self-persecution is the mother of depression

THE EFFECT: THE SERIES

The Effect The Series Chapter 11: Self-persecution is the mother of depression

On Saturday afternoon, my mom and dad said that today a lawyer, a friend of my father, will come to the house to talk about the case. I tried to negotiate with many reasons to not have to meet him, but my parents did not allow me to do as I wanted.

Before coming out of the hospital, I saw that my parents were silent about this, and I thought that everything would end there. At the police station, I didn't think that the incident had never faded from both of them.

The sound of the doorbell squeezed by the elder in front of my house made my heart beat faster. Sweat started to fill the entire back and palm.

"Hey Shin, remember me Ah?"

"Hello, Aphut"

Aphut gave me comfort, and I forgot about that for a moment, without even talking about the case since he entered the house. Aphut invited me to talk with him about general matters before moving back to the things I didn't want to tell the most.

"Shin, please tell me, what happened that day?"

"I told my parents about it."

"But Aphut wants to listen again, want to listen in detail”

"And ... How detailed?"

"How about Shin try to start with that person when he came to see Shin? How did he start attacking Shin? What kind of fight began? What did Shin do to protect himself?”

"..."

I bowed my face, chin, held my hand tightly until the nails pinched down into the palm. Why does everyone have to ask me about this matter? Why does it make me feel bad? Did they not know that I didn't want to talk about that day's event? Did they not know that it was so bad and I was still in pain?

The thing I don't understand the most is why they want me to tell recurring stories. Both parents and doctors, including the police, then Aphut. Every detail was written down on that paper that I had already written myself.

Or actually they just want to stress me and show me that I’m a loser that can't even protect myself or actually my father was angry at me that day I lied out that I actually did not get hurt or my mother was angry that I would not say anything in front of the police about that bastrd. Both my father and mother took me to the policeman to punish me

"Shin, son, answer the man."

"I ... Don't want to talk about it."

"Listen, if Shin doesn't say about it, it cannot go on. And like this, if that happens to be actually in court can you speak to the court? The lawyer on that side will come and ask you questions which are harsher than mine.”

"Let him ask!!! But I will not answer I don't want to talk anymore, I don't want to go and advertise this story to anyone else!! "

"Calm down, calm child."

"Can you hear me? I don't want to speak. Can you hear me!!?”

"I think that's enough ... You can let your child go to rest first. He can come to talk to us later."

"Yes."

Before Aphut returned, he told my father that what we can do is just send the story to the family over there and know and then come to look at what that means.

.................................................. ................

"This can't be done, Shin. How will you get to the exam? Mom should go see the teacher and talk to them for a break."

It has been 3 weeks since I returned home, but my body still has not recovered. It's not just the wounds that have not healed yet, causing the mother to be worried. But the vomiting and fevers effects alternately like this are another important reason why I can't read the full text of the verification book.

"Mom, will the teacher agree?"

"Whatever you have to try ... Son, can you ask your friend to come by tomorrow?"

"Okay then. He will be with you tomorrow."

"And what will mom tell the teacher? Mom will tell the university that I... I was hit, so I have to stop studying. Will you tell him? Mom ... Mom  ...”

"Shin"

"So I can go than stay here. I can move ... I can do it. I read a lot again... Let me go, Mom ... Dad, let me go to take an exam.”

Although deep in my heart shouted that I was not ready for this exam, it was not an easy task to ask someone to tutor me later, the reason for having it was enough.

I knew that my mother had to tell the truth to the teacher for the teacher to consider. But if I have to be like that, I think I rather would go to the exam, even though I'm not ready like this, it would be better to never have more people knowing that about me.

"Calm down, look at your mother. Shin, take a deep breath. Look at your mother. What did the doctor tell you to do? Remember? Look at the mother, look at the number as the mother breathes in.”

"Yes, 7 9 12 16 ..."

"Shin, listen to your mother ... You must tell the teacher. Because we have to use a medical certificate to submit

"But only me  ..."

"This statement is for the benefit of my own child. Another thing that the teacher knows he will then helped that person to distance himself from the child. Isn't it good? So that no one will hurt another mother's child again? Believe me don’t worry, Shin.”

"Yes"

That evening, after I agreed to do as my mother said. I only sat and looked at my father who had to call the hotline to the boss to ask for a break away from work. Looking at the mother who had to sit and arrange the documents in order to hand over to the teacher for me. Looking at the sheets that were placed in front of me by Pramote, he had to bring them from the university.

Looking back at myself, what am I doing now? What am I doing? I am sitting idle not doing anything, sitting as a worthless person for many weeks why? Why don't I get a stronger needle? Why am I not being more patient? How long must I burden others? When will I get well?

"Sorry, father, mother"

"Shin, why?"

"Nothing"

A whisper of my apologies, no one could hear me but myself.

…………………………………

I stepped back to university again a month later, after I had taken all of the prescribed the antiretrovirals and the body was well healed, leaving only a small scar.

Since attending this university Today is the first day that Pramote agreed to drive me to the university. In the morning Pramote volunteered to pick me up at home. The difficulty in Pramote was not because of anyone, but because I was not confident about walking into the university on my own.

"Do I have anything strange on me?"

"No, why?"

"It's like everyone is looking at me."

"You think too much. No one cares about you. Just like before, no one cared about us.”

Although Pramote said that to me, I felt that it wasn't. Since I stepped down from the car I can feel that every eye was staring at me staring from every angle, no matter where I walk or what I'm doing.

"So let's go to the bathroom first." When I'm not very confident. So I asked to go to the bathroom to meditate and let my brain feel clearer, not just focusing on others.

"So I will wait here. Walk back here when you're done.”

"Um"

During the moment that I was about to turn to the side of the building that had the bathroom, I felt someone snatching my arm from behind and dragged me to the back of the building.

The touch that I received made my body become so tight that I could not even move my fingertips. The more I see who the person I am holding is the more my respiratory system immediately started to get stuck.

"Where did Shin go? P' could not call you or contact you at all. Why did you change the numbers? When P' went to the dormitory, he didn't see you anymore.”

Talking about the dormitory, of course, I would never return to step on it again. I was not able to return to life there. Including the advice of a doctor who doesn't want me to be alone because since the moment he left the hospital, my father had to do the transfer and also take all of my stuff.

"...."

"Answer me"

"..."

"You told P' that day, I did not think you would escape from me."

"Let me go....... I"

"Shin...P' is sorry"

"Let me go...”

"Why are you shaking? Why are you?”

"...."

"Are you afraid of me? P' told you that P' loves you. P' did everything because P' loved you. P' apologizes, but P' can't lose you. Don't be scared of P'. P' himself is very sad that P' has done it.”

"Let me go"

"Can P'? Please you give P' a chance. Just gives me a chance and P' will show how much P' loves you ....”

At the end of the last sentence I didn't know what P'Keng said. P'Keng pulled me and hugged him. As soon as my body touched P'Keng's body from inconvenient breathing, it turned out that now I couldn't breathe at all. The air at first was able to come in a little, but now I can no longer feel it.

I tensed and my whole body contracted with fear it contracted by wanting to get out of the offensive hug, but I don't have enough energy to push P'Keng away from me. My strength disappeared with the air that didn't come.

I don't know how long the sad time has passed. I don't know. What I know is that P'Keng kept holding me tight while chanting the word "Love" repeatedly to my ears.

My body got tightened to the point when P'Keng raised his hand and rubbed my head. P'Keng's hand pushed to the newly scab wound on the back of the head. And then that touch, causing the endurance in stiffening the needle like pain.

I accidentally vomited, and I couldn't control my own body. My body disobeyed what I instructed to do, knowing where I was and should do or not do anything. My vomit smeared both P'Keng's body and myself, but the worst thing was that I felt urine flow out of myself.

"What's wrong, Shin? What happened? Why are you like this?”

In the end, P'Keng could feel my physical change. P'Keng let me leave his embrace in a sudden shock. Causing me to not be able to set myself down to sit on the floor

"Shin, what is the matter? Shin, tell P', talk to P', Shin." When P'Keng regained consciousness, P'Keng tried to come to support me. But it turned out that I myself had fled away along the wall

"Shin Shin, you"

Fortunately Pramote walked this way, causing him to find me trying to crawl out from that side of the wall. Pramote looked directly at P'Keng, who was still standing still.

"Shin breath, breath, count the numbers, and follow me 5 7 9 11 5 ..."

Pramote's body and my body are not that different, so he can't hold me up in the car. Pramote then tried to calm me down here. By allowing me to count the numbers repeatedly like that

In the latter I was able to recover in a short time, but at this time I still saw P'Keng standing there. I can still see P'Keng's eyes that are still staring at me.

"P' can you go far from here?”

"That is my lover, I want to go see how he is.”

"If P' doesn't want him to die here, P' must go."

"P' won't go"

"Okay, then I’ll shout loudly for everyone to know. Are you going to cause a scene at the person that P' says he loves?”

"You want to shout, then shout!"

"It's  ... If anything happens to Shin you will have to blame yourself. Because P' is the cause of this and I will tell his parents about what you made their child must be like.”

P'Keng stopped the pace that was walking stepped on me. P'Keng's face shows the displeasure of having to obey Pramote's orders. But Pramote showed that he was ready to do as he said. P'Keng then slowly agreed to walk away from here.

.................................................. ....

At home, no one expected that I would come home before the time they had been told. So when Pramote came to send me home, he ended up staying as a friend until my father returned home.

"Where is Shin going? Won't you sit so we can read together?”

"I'm going to wipe the seat."

"It's okay when you take a shower, I’ve wiped it already."

"But it may not be clean"

"It’s clean."

"I just want to see to be sure."

When I was persistent like that, Pramote didn't say anything to stop me. I walked to get the cloth in the back of the house to moisten the water as well as rummage for father's leather upholstery solution in the shed and scrub the seat that I sat back on.

I don't want Pramote's seats to be smeared with the smell of vomit because I was the cause. I don't want people around me to see me as a burden or a loser I am afraid they will feel bored with me and eventually disappear.

I don't know. How long did I get caught up in cleaning the car? Came to know I was doing a repetitive thing again when my father returned to the house and followed me to make me enter the house, it seems that while I was preoccupied with cleaning up, Pramote had probably told the whole story to my father. The father then called Aphut and charged him to proceed as quickly as possible, and no matter which the case, he has to be ready to prosecute the man to the end.

The incident today made my parents think that I'm not ready to go to university. But the mother herself has already spent the entire month on leave so this time it was the father's eyes that needed to take a vacation to look after me at home.

It is me who is causing trouble for others for another month again.

THE EFFECT: THE SERIES

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