I’ll Still Love You Even if You’re a Man 2, Chapter 150: Is it over?

I’ll Still Love You Even if You’re a Man 2 《你是男的我也爱》Ni Shi Nan De Wo Ye Ai
I’ll Still Love You Even if You’re a Man 2, Chapter 150: Is it over?

“So you're blaming me? Not keeping my promise.” He can accept An-Ziyan's blame and he deserves to be blamed, after all it was he who gave the promise.

An-Ziyan let go of Mai Ding's hand and wiped the moisture from his eyes with his index finger, “Why should I blame you? I promised I wouldn't make you cry or hurt you again.” If An-Ziyan's answer had been his usual sarcastic one, he might have called out his name and pushed his shoulder. He withdrew his hand to his forehead, his eyes hidden between his fingers and continued in a tone as if nothing had happened: “What must I do so that I may not hurt you?”

What he said is what Mai Ding's always wanted to hear, isn't it?


I should be laughing, because I won this time and it was An-Ziyan who lost and he was the one who showed his weakness first. When An-Ziyan hurt himself without meaning to, he probably felt the same as he did. Why did it take so long to realize that the rules of other places don't apply to love and that in love there is no winner or loser and even if the winner is not necessarily happy?
“An-Ziyan, I...” Mai Ding's words stopped without warning, the sky began to turn white, his vision cleared, he saw a bandage in An-Ziyan's open collar and reached out to grab his shirt but An-Ziyan stopped him.

“That's...”

“I hurt myself.” He lied, Mai Ding knew when An-Ziyan had hurt himself but if he hadn't then who had hurt him and if he knew who it was, Mai Ding would beat him up, who would it be? Mai Ding asked himself, he looked at his stopped hand and then at An-Ziyan's wound, it was stained with blood, when he pushed on An-Ziyan's chest, so when did it happen then? Another memory he hadn't cared about popped up, the conversation between Feng Feimeng and Fan Shaojun, where had Feng Feimeng put the silver letter opener? Where was the silver letter opener when he pushed the document towards An-Ziyan?

It's me, isn't it? It's me.

“I, I didn't mean to, let me see, I, I didn't...”

“I told you it wasn't you.” An-Ziyan said, his words are always easy to believe and this time, Mai Ding wanted to believe him too. He was afraid of hurting himself, tormented by the loss of his grandfather and the loss of himself but still afraid of hurting himself.

Who is baffled, who is baffled and what are you trying to prove, that An-Ziyan has always, always loved you? Mai Ding put his hand on An-Ziyan's knee and gripped it tightly: “If you can't control yourself, hurt me.”

“Saying silly things again.”

“It's not silly talk! It's true...” An-Ziyan took Mai Ding in his arms, he looked at the silvery reflection of the water, his Adam's apple moved softly as he spoke, “I am sorry that I said you're annoying and all... but maybe I'm getting harder and harder to control myself, do I want you to stay by my side in the future? Do I want you to always take my feelings into consideration and never fight again, never say what you really feel? Mai Ding, I don't like the idea of sacrificing your humble self for me, I never have.”

“I...”

“Hear me out, I've been thinking lately about whether it's better for you and I to be apart.”

Mai Ding struggled up from An-Ziyan's arms: “I don't want that.”

“I want you to hear me out and I thought about it but I wanted to tell you more and I can only tell you that whether you call me selfish, selfish, selfish, whatever, I'm not gonna let you go, so, Mai Ding, don't leave me, okay? Even if I do hurt you.”

“That's the least capricious, the least selfish, the nicest, the nicest thing I've ever heard.” Mai Ding slammed his forehead against the collarbone, clasped his shirt with both hands and stained his bandages with tears.

"You're such a fool.” An-Ziyan placed his hand on the back of Mai Ding's head.

“An-Ziyan.”

“Hmm?”

“There would be a day that Grandpa would have left even if it wasn't last year.” Mai Ding could feel An-Ziyan's movements stop, Mai Ding knew he was being greedy, if he could get An-Ziyan to let go of his grandfather, then An-Ziyan would become the real An-Ziyan, his sad face from last night was so sad Mai Ding didn't want to see it again, Mai Ding continued: “People are born and they die and Grandpa didn't leave you, He was just sick, he had to lie in a cold hospital and be sick, you could see how much Grandpa was in pain, now Grandpa is with Grandma, what's wrong with that, I know I'm talking nonsense, you know this better than I do.”

An-Ziyan's voice became cold again: “I understand but do you think understanding means one can do it?”

Mai Ding sat up straight, pulled up his collar and wiped his face, the tears on his face were still there. Mai Ding's mouth was wide open, the first light of the morning came in, a circle of light formed behind him, his smile blossomed in the sunlight and his eyes shone with tears. He said in a thick nasal voice, “No one else can do it but you're An-Ziyan and you're the perfect person for me, so let grandma stay with grandpa in that world, in this world, let me stay with you. If you can't get out of that world, who will take care of me from now on?”

The morning air was damp and fresh and the wind blew gently between the two of them, An-Ziyan quietly looked at Mai Ding's smiling and crying face, reached out and grabbed him by the collar, dragged him to the front and kissed him.

Is it over now? Mai Ding didn't think so but he always remembered the beginning of the nightmare. It's like they've passed the end and come back to the beginning.



~ I’ll Still Love You Even if You’re a Man 2 (Sequel) ~

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